Sweetheart: How many packs a day?
Akpos: 3 packs.
Sweetheart: How much per pack?
Sweetheart: And how long have you been smoking?
Akpos: For 15 years.
Sweetheart: So, one pack costs N200 ($1.25), and you have 3 packs a day, which puts your spending each month at N18,000 ($113). In one year, it would be N216,000 ($1,350). Is that correct?
Sweetheart: If in one year, you spend N216,000 ($1,350), without accounting for inflation, the past 15 years puts your spending at over N3,000,000 ($18,750). Is that correct?
Sweetheart: Do you know that if you hadn’t smoked, that money could have been put in an interest savings account and after accounting for compound interest for the
past 15 years, you could have now easily bought a brand new Range Rover HSE Sport?
Akpos: Hmmm…. That’s true. But let me ask you, do you smoke?
Akpos: So where’s your Range Rover HSE Sport then?
Some weeks ago, I saw Akpos glued to his China Phone. he was heavily chatting with his Sweetheart. I peeped a little and here is what I saw –
Akpos: How are you?
Sweetheart: I’m not alright.
Akpos: Ooh,you know i love you…what is the problem?
Sweetheart: Please,can u send me N10k (USD62)?
Akpos: For what?
Girlfriend: I want to use it to buy some clothes and bags.
Akpos: Hmmmm,that’s my girl. Take it…K,K,K,K,K,K,K,K,K & K. Do u want more???
Recently, they were out on a date at the prestigious restaurant. After eating and chatting for a while, his Sweetheart politely excused herself to use the convenience leaving her smart phone on the table which he bought for her. He sharply picked it up and started scrolling through her contacts. He started smiling when he saw funny names saved in the contact list like;
– Emeka Stingy,
– Rafael Blacky,
– Long teeth,
– Friday big ear.
Akpos was just having fun laughing at all the names he saw and decided to check out what his own number had been saved as. He checked and was shocked to see – AKPOS MOUTH ODOUR
Akpors : My Sweetheart My Love, I wanna sing a love song for you.
Sweetheart : OOh really? Ok then, go ahead
Akpors started singing and singing like Tuface. When his Sweetheart couldn’t hold it anymore, she started shedding tears.
Akpors : My Sweetheart My Love, is it my love song that brings these tears of love to your lovely eyes? Wow, I never knew you loved me this much.
Sweetheart : sobbs…. no, Akpos. Its the mouth odour that is oozing out of your mouth.and then the fight started.
Sweetheart : Hello?
Akpos: My love, how are you doing?
Sweetheart : I’m fine.
Akpos: Will you be free this weekend? Can you come to my house?
Sweetheart : I’m so sorry I can’t make it because I will be attending my aunty’s wedding, and the next day I’ll be busy, so I guess I’m occupied.
Akpos: Oh, OK, I was just planning to take you out for shopping, surprise you with an iPhone 5S, then buy you a new dress and the Brazilian hair you’ve been asking for…
Sweetheart : Oh! I will be coming and may even spend the whole weekend at your place if you want, my love!
Akpos: What about the wedding?
Sweetheart : Which wedding? Ooooh, I was joking…
Akpos: Really? Me too!