Hello Friends,
Hope you are doing well.
Today, Leke Alder goes all out to tell Jack some bitter truths. Jack has a problem. He has a high-maintenance girlfriend, a demand and supply Babe who is all about the money. Jack is at his wits’ end and has run to Leke Alder for advice. Let’s learn together. Read on..
1. Dear Jack, you're well aware of my belief in wholesome relationship. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 28, 2013
2. You have a girlfriend who treats you like an ATM machine. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 28, 2013
3. That cannot be wholesome. You're dating an exploiter. You're ATM Jack. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 28, 2013
4. All your girlfriend does is demand and collect money from you. You have a demand and supply relationship. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 28, 2013
5. When you give she's happy. When you can't give she becomes unhappy with you, even gets angry. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 28, 2013
6. She tells you she received better treatment in her former relationship. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 28, 2013
7. The question then is, why doesn't she just go back to that relationship? She had a better deal! #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 28, 2013
8. It may be in your interest to conduct research into the economic state of her last boyfriend. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 28, 2013
9. If he couldn't keep her with all the money he spent what makes you think you can? #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 28, 2013
10. I have a feeling she moved on when his money ran out! #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 28, 2013
11. You have spent all you have on her and she's still complaining. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 28, 2013
12. Your so called "girlfriend" is a leech. That is the blunt truth. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 28, 2013
13. You know I'll always say it as it is. Truth does not participate in popularity contests. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 28, 2013
14. A leech is a blood sucking worm with two suckers at each end. That's why Solomon wrote: #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 28, 2013
15. "A leech has twin daughters named “Gimme” and “Gimme more.”" It'll never be enough. Ever heard of "vampire girlfriend"? #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 28, 2013
16. You know when I read your letter I actually cross-checked your name. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 28, 2013
17. I expected your surname to be Dangote, or Gates, or Walton, or Buffett. Maybe Ellison, as in Larry Ellison of Oracle! #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 28, 2013
18. I was quite disappointed you don't have a mega bucks surname. Was quite surprised actually considering your endeavour! #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 28, 2013
19. I don't know how you will sustain the "relationship". And you're a salary earner! Aren't you training yourself to go to jail? #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 28, 2013
20. At the rate of her demand you're going to commit fraud at work, or end up a chronic debtor. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 28, 2013
21. And I do hope she's giving you 24 carat love and affection. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 28, 2013
22. Her brand of love must be so rare considering how expensive it is! #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 28, 2013
23. Are you sure you're the only boyfriend? She seems an "esusu" collector to me. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 28, 2013
24. (An esusu collector is the financial secretary and treasurer of a mutual fund club). #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 28, 2013
25. How are you going to satisfy this woman's lusts? #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 28, 2013
26. Can't you see she thinks she's smart? That she sees you like an m-u-m-u? (sucker) #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 28, 2013
27. You toil for 30 days and at the end your sweat and labour she comes to collect. You are the President of Labour Party. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 28, 2013
28. And you think you're being a man! That is a false definition of masculinity you've taken on. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 28, 2013
29. I can just see this woman charter gold jewellery and the seller wondering how she's going to pay. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 28, 2013
30. I can see her pick up her phone, scroll through the address list: "MuMu 1", "MuMu 2", "MuMu 3", "MuMu 4"… #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 28, 2013
31. You're No.4. I see her say "Baby!" and you start grinning and feeling important. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 28, 2013
32. Then she tells you how you promised to buy her "that" triple banded gold, and you start wondering. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 28, 2013
33. "The type Moji wore to her grandmother's funeral". You can't recollect but you respond "Hmn hmn" to appear important. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 28, 2013
34. She mentions the amount and your smile is frozen. The bulging muscles of your eyes tug at your mouth, pulling it in. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 28, 2013
35. (The jewellery seller is shaking her head in incredulity by this time, admiring how wonderfully manipulative she is). #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 28, 2013
36. "So when can I come for it – the money?" she asks pointedly in case your mind seeks to become smart. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 28, 2013
37. You doodle with your pencil, purse your lips. You know you've been had. There's nothing you can do. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 28, 2013
38. "I'll see what I can do" you exhale. "Hmn, come on Thursday!" (Thursday is your payday. She knows). #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 28, 2013
39. "Thursday?!" she acts surprised! "You know how I like to look nice for you, to look like your woman!" #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 28, 2013
40. She's twitching her nose at you by this time, rolling her eyes up at your gullibility. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 28, 2013
41. The jewellery seller is having a fit of laughter in an increasingly difficult to maintain muted tone. She covers her mouth. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 28, 2013
42. "I'm expecting something on Thursday," you say very importantly. (Of course you're expecting your salary!) #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 28, 2013
43. "Expecting something on Tuesday as well," you lie. "But Thursday is more certain. Thursday is more certain." #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 28, 2013
44. "Okay dãrling!" she says demurely. Mchew! she kisses you over the phone. "Mwah!" she adds for emphasis! #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 28, 2013
45. "My baby! You always make me háappý!" She says this to the tune of "I Believe I Can Fly!" #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 28, 2013
46. "I'll come and see you tomorrow evening," she lies. You doubt. You know an "emergency" will arise. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 28, 2013
47. Her "mother's sister's only son" will be appropriately "rushed to hospital". #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 28, 2013
48. She'll need to go and see the "poor boy" in "critical condition." He's going to swallow Dettol thinking it's milk! #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 28, 2013
49. But you know she'll show up on Thursday. Even if there's a tsunami. But you look forward to holding her in your two arms. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 28, 2013
50. You salivate at the prospect, grinning in greed like my Lhasa dog at the sight of canned beef. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 28, 2013
51. The promisory euphoria of holding the appropriately named Aduke lingers on in your mind. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 28, 2013
52. "Aduke" in literal meaning is someone people compete and fall over themselves to pamper and spoil. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 28, 2013
53. But there goes your budget for the month and much, much more. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 28, 2013
54. You'll survive on Garium Sulphate (GaSO4) – a granulated cassava staple popularly known as garri. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 28, 2013
55. And that promise to your sister has to be postponed, yet again. Your parents will continue on the queue. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 28, 2013
56. Aren't you foolish to date such a woman? Ever heard of the term, "Devourer"?! #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 28, 2013
57. You can't afford her on every level. Don't be foolish. She has no interest in you whatsoever. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 28, 2013
58. You're just cashflow. And you're deluded if you think you can keep her. Ask the last man. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 28, 2013
59. Your relationship is transactional. Will only subsist for as long as her cashflow projections hold up. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 28, 2013
60. Cut your losses. Redeem your gullibility. She's running an emotional Ponzi scheme. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 28, 2013
61. You better run – while you have your shirt on your back! #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 28, 2013
62. I wish you common sense, and godly wisdom. Your mentor, LA. #Letr2Jack ©Leke Alder
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 28, 2013
Cheers,
*The “I Know a Nigerian Star” Writing Competition is on!!! Entries close 15th October so get writing! For prizes, sponsors and more go here>>> https://www.konnectafrica.net/2013/10/01/introducing-a-writing-competition-i-know-a-nigerian-star/
