Hi Africa,
Sexual abuse is rampant in Africa. Everyday, we hear new stories of child molestation and rape. It is not as if these things have not been there. It is just that people are now speaking out and the power of social media is doing the rest.
Today, Leke Alder writes to his female protege Jil, who suffered sexual abuse as a child. He offers a way out of that dark place. Keep reading.
1. Dear Jil, it is a really dark place we are going this morning. I pray God grant you the strength to read through this letter. #Letr2jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 24, 2013
2. I want to talk about what we always seem to avoid, what we never talk about. #Letr2jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 24, 2013
3. It hangs over our conversations like a millstone. It's a place we avoid going. #Letr2jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 24, 2013
4. I want to discuss the pain from your sexual abuse as a child. #Letr2jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 24, 2013
5. You've been carrying the pain for too long now (almost two decades). It's standing in your way, blocking your path. #Letr2jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 24, 2013
6. You haven't been able to proceed in your relationships because any talk or consideration of marriage has to negotiate with it. #Letr2jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 24, 2013
7. It goes to the root of intimacy. Now I know that bringing up this topic makes you cry. #Letr2jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 24, 2013
8. But such cry can only be cathartic – an emotional purgation of liters of repressed and bitter memories. #Letr2jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 24, 2013
9. I pray the flood of tears from your soul will break down the wall of the dam erected in your heart- the wall holding you back. #Letr2jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 24, 2013
10. It takes too much to maintain this wall – too much energy, too much pain, too much resentment, too much fear… #Letr2jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 24, 2013
11. It's like hauling a significant load of stress every day! #Letr2jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 24, 2013
12. It's why you break down. It's why you complain of tiredness and lethargy. #Letr2jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 24, 2013
13. And those sudden rashes, the acne… The inexplicable unhappiness, the dark mood swings, irritations, withdrawals… #Letr2jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 24, 2013
14. When the load becomes unbearable you actually snap at people, like a tensed up coil. #Letr2jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 24, 2013
15. Not sure you realise this but you lash out, sometimes cruelly. #Letr2jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 24, 2013
16. At those times you use cutting emotions – you're cynical and dismissive. #Letr2jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 24, 2013
17. No human has the strength to carry on like this. The strain is too much! #Letr2jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 24, 2013
18. You'll keep breaking down if you don't resolve the bitterness and anger. Don't let this thing destroy your future. #Letr2jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 24, 2013
19. I know you've tried to blank out the memory, yet it refuses to go away. #Letr2jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 24, 2013
20. You've sought to bury your consciousness of it but the grave is shallow. It's lying just below the surface. #Letr2jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 24, 2013
21. I'm not sure you should turn yourself into an emotional grave yard. It's not healthy. #Letr2jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 24, 2013
22. The whole thing…the pain, the bitterness, is like a poison of the soul, bile. #Letr2jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 24, 2013
23. You shouldn't keep skeletons. You already have a skeleton. #Letr2jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 24, 2013
24. And you've hardened your self. You've become so hard on the inside. People say you're unforgiving. #Letr2jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 24, 2013
25. Your body language…it bespeaks anger. Again you don't realise this. It's like, "Let anyone DARE!" #Letr2jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 24, 2013
26. Your colleagues at work don't understand that body language. It's a message out of context for them. They wonder why. #Letr2jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 24, 2013
27. Why the anger, why the bitterness, why the frustration, why the cynicism? It's inexplicable to them so they leave you alone. #Letr2jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 24, 2013
28. And then you go to that dark place… #Letr2jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 24, 2013
29. A deep dark place filled with dark blue ink that drags you down and seeks to drown you… It's a fearful place. #Letr2jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 24, 2013
30. You see, that dark place…the sometimes peppery tightened sensation in your head… #Letr2jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 24, 2013
31. The accompanying feelings of second day malaria tablet medication…the confusion… the nervousness, the chill… #Letr2jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 24, 2013
32. The physical tiredness, emotional tiredness, irritability, total drain of energy… That's depression. #Letr2ji
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 24, 2013
33. And you know the sad thing: the man who violated your trust and innocence is unaware of your pain. #Letr2jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 24, 2013
34. I sometimes see that pain surge from the past, hitting you like a ton of brick. #Letr2jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 24, 2013
35. You cry in pain – lonesome bitter tears. Only you cry inside. Warm bitter tears, sometimes hot! #Letr2jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 24, 2013
36. I see the foamy layers of anger well up inside you, overflowing the banks. I see the emotional turmoil. #Letr2jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 24, 2013
37. Not many people will understand why you remain unmarried despite your attractiveness. #Letr2jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 24, 2013
38. They can't understand why you cut off those who get too close to you suddenly (and without mercy). #Letr2jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 24, 2013
39. You're afraid of intimacy. #Letr2jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 24, 2013
40. That in itself produces a confliction- you have need of love and intimacy yet you can't afford to let your guard down. #Letr2jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 24, 2013
41. A sick man inflicted this wound. It's a wound too deep for words. #Letr2jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 24, 2013
42. But if he stole your childhood you shouldn't let him steal your adulthood. #Letr2jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 24, 2013
43. I am hoping that through this letter we can begin the fearful tender walk towards healing. Let's start Jil. #Letr2jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 24, 2013
44. It may help for you to see a therapist- a professional therapist or psychologist. #Letr2jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 24, 2013
45. I also think you should write @JoyceMeyer. She suffered repeated and long drawn sexual abuse (by her father!) #Letr2jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 24, 2013
46. You should read her books and her story. Read Beauty for Ashes. (Google her). May God bless her. #Letr2jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 24, 2013
47. She's a living breathing example of the deliverance of God from a horific past. Her website is http://t.co/RaT1MLxx5r. #Letr2jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 24, 2013
48. I am writing this letter because I have a heaviness in my heart. It's a most difficult letter for me to write. #Letr2jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 24, 2013
49. There is a weight on the inside of me, a very heavy knowing of quiet pain. #Letr2jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 24, 2013
50. It is because of the special love I carry in my heart for you…and the trust you reposed in me. I am grateful for that trust. #Letr2jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 24, 2013
51. I am praying that the God of all comfort comforts you. May He deliver you. #Letr2jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 24, 2013
52. But even God will need your cooperation. #Letr2jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 24, 2013
53. If you're unwilling to admit you need help, if you won't seek help, deliverance will not come. #Letr2jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 24, 2013
54. If you're going to have a happy marriage you have to deal with this past. You must break the loop. #Letr2jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 24, 2013
55. There's a wonderful young man who wants to marry you but he's confused. He called me last week. #Letr2jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 24, 2013
56. He says one minute you're nice and happy and chatty. And the next "the mood" comes. (He calls it "the mood"). #Letr2jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 24, 2013
57. He says you're pushing him away and you've built a wall around you. He feels you don't trust him and he doesn't know why. #Letr2jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 24, 2013
58. You have a wonderful possibility in Dave. He's smart, generous and loving. And he cares about you. #Letr2jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 24, 2013
59. Sometimes it takes a Dave in our lives to help us walk away from the past. Such people are God's messengers. #Letr2jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 24, 2013
60. .@JoyceMeyer has her own Dave. Incidentally his name is Dave. He's her husband. Such people have special grace. #Letr2jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 24, 2013
61. Let's begin the journey Jil! #Letr2jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 24, 2013
62. I remain as always, your loving mentor, LA. #Letr2Jil ©Leke Alder
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 24, 2013
Hope this is enlightening.
You can also help someone who has been hurting in this area. Do well to share.
