We Took a break from Akpos this weekend- Seems he left the continent briefly…Enjoy a love letter from an Igbo man…
“Herro pletty damusel,
I just wanted to ret u know dat I hav joined the muvin people. Ndi na aga aga, (the happuning guys). I am Aguiyi international! Importa & Exporta. I ownu prenty of shop in Onitsha main market. As u are rooking at me, nne a dim vely solid.
My containers come in 20s and 40s evely weekly. I hav over 40 boys in my tlaining.
Aguiyi is a bigi boy, I yamu a muver, I am a shaker. I yamu a man of timber & plywood. I yamu lich and by d special glace of God, I am the owner of di biggest & powerfulu boutique u can think of. I emproy one rady to managin it. I can call her wit my etisalat phone; give her query with my mtn; fire her with my glo; and hire another manger with my airtel. I wulu make you di CEO, president, and first lady of di conglomerate.
All di stleets in china are light here in my head and all di Nigelian boys dat load market in there are under me. As I yamu speaking to you now, they are making plan to crown me eze ndi igbo nile of china and by the special glace of God, you will be lolo ndi igbo nile of China.
Nne you rook rike egg yolk and for dat, I will kill any ochicha for u. Nne, ego na esi isi na arum. I send money on errands.
A dim ok! Is it my fault dat I yamu a bigi boy? Is it my fault dat at my age, I have many boys under me? Is it my fault dat I have plans of making u d Plesident of d biggest boutique in Onitsha.
I wulu lepackage u nne m and plesent u to d world, pletty damusel. Nne m o! Oyoyo m, Egovin nwa! My yori yoli! My aflican Queen, ashanti m! Nwa akworo aka muo! Igbu go m. Infact baby, take me.
Your Roving faithfully,